How to Talk to Your Kids About What They Are Seeing
The events of the past week have made it clearer than ever that all of us need to do more. We need to educate ourselves, be consistent allies, and come together to end racism and promote healing. Processing the news lately is difficult and emotional for us as adults. It is even harder and more confusing for our children. Many parents are struggling to find the right words and resources in order to help their children learn to be allies and be part of the solution to the pervasive racism in our society.
Here are some ways to start talking to your kids about what they are seeing on the news.
Start now. Studies have shown that children perceive race before they are even a year old. This means we need to introduce our children to the concepts of representation and inclusion. We need to do this consistently, early, and as much as we can. Kids need to see all races depicted in their stories to learn about others who are different than them.
Books are a wonderful resource to use. Here is a link to an article with anti-racism book recommendations for kids of all ages.
https://www.nytimes.com/2020/06/02/parenting/kids-books-racism-protest.html
Many children’s tv shows, including Sesame Street, are running special episodes on race right now. Seek these out and watch them together to help start age-appropriate dialogue.
Silence is not helpful. Start dialogue with your children about what they are seeing and what questions they have. Conversation does not solve anything on it’s own. But conversation with kids helps them make sense of the world and what is going on around them. If you are not sure where to start, find resources and guides. My earlier blog “Silence Hurts” has a list of great places to start. If your child asks you a question you don’t know while having these conversations, look it up together. The most important thing your children can see is a parent who is open and willing to learn more in order to help. They will learn how to love others, accept others, and have these hard conversations from you.
Be honest. Tell them the truth about the protests and why they are happening. Highlight the messages from the protests and highlight how the majority of the protests are peaceful ones. Explain to them why people are so angry and why the protests have turned more destructive at times. Tell them about how people want justice and change. Tell them about how protests can help create justice and change now as well as what they have done in the past.
Help them self-care. Children have the same emotions we do as adults. They may not be on the front lines or understand everything that is going on to a full extent, but they are feeling the same pain and hurt we are. Talk to them about their worry, sadness, and anxiety. Help them see ways they can take good care of themselves even during this hard time. Schedule news breaks, exercise together, brainstorm their favorite activities they can do if they are overwhelmed, and make sure they have time to focus on just being a kid.
Love others. Every parent wants to help their kids to become loving and caring towards to others. Use these conversations to help start deeper discussions about how they can be kind and loving. Talk about what they can do if they feel like something they hear is wrong or what to do if they ever make a mistake and hurt someone else. Help them understand how they can be an advocate for others at school, day cares, or camps. Talk about celebrating differences and embracing other communities and cultures. Think of examples of ways they can be allies and take good care of others around them. Model this for them and lead them by example.
Support your community. Find charities, local groups, and causes that you can support as a family, Show your children websites, talk about different causes, and explain how your support will help to impact change. In that vein, I have decided that a portion of all proceeds from Torridon Counseling from the calendar year of 2020 will go to support the charity BEAM. Black Emotional and Mental Health Collective helps to remove the barriers that Black people experience getting consistent access to emotional care and mental health support. Find out more about this wonderful organization below.